Dealing with Estate Planning Paralysis (Today!)
When it comes to Estate Planning, there is no crystal ball.
My oldest son (6) has been taking taekwondo for over a year now.
Recently, he’s been moved up into a sparring class with older kids because he is on the highest level of the kids’ belts (*gulp*).
It’s the real deal, they put on full body gear: helmet, chest protector, gloves, padded shoes, and a cup (boy did that lead to some interesting conversations.)
When they spar, they step into the ring and try to hit certain parts of their opponent’s body without being blocked.
If they land their punches, they get a point. The first one to three points wins.
Honestly, as much as I hate fighting, it is so fun to watch. They are all just so cute and engaged.
And while it is entertaining, there is a feeling of complete helplessness as I watch my 6-year-old moving through the process of learning this new skill.
On many levels, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him during his match.
I want to jump in and help him, even though I’ve never sparred before.
While I can’t provide backup in the ring, there’s nothing stopping me from yelling out instructions, and cheering him on until I’m red in the face. (I can’t help myself.)
The Planning Paralysis
When it comes to low-stakes decisions (like teaching a kid how to spar), we don’t usually have a problem yelling out advice, even if we have no personal knowledge or experience in the area.
But for high-stakes decisions (like estate planning), I've seen people become paralyzed in the decision-making process.
They’re often looking toward the proverbial sidelines for guidance and any sort of nudge in the right direction.
Sometimes this inability to make choices is referred to as decision paralysis or analysis paralysis.
In my estate planning practice, I call this estate planning paralysis.
Estate planning paralysis can be a serious dilemma for a lot of people.
When we engage in estate planning, we are grappling with what happens when you die or what types of end-of-life care you would want (cue lump in throat).
It’s serious stuff, it’s the finality of death, and it comes for all of us.
Who would want to spend an afternoon taking a deep dive into that sort of thing?
And, if you do find the time, how do you even know what decisions to make? We can’t predict the future, after all.
When it comes to estate planning, there just isn’t a crystal ball.
I’ve thought a lot about this.
I’ve talked to tons of people, helped many clients, and I’ve come up with a simple process to focus on to avoid estate planning paralysis.
Let’s talk about how to deal with estate planning paralysis today!
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Coping with estate planning paralysis
Whether this is the first time you’ve ever heard the term or you’re about to put pen to paper, let’s take some time to go over how to overcome and cope with planning paralysis.
So, no matter what stage of estate planning you’re in: take a deep breath.
Now, let’s get into it:
Find your Yoda
Full disclosure, I’ve only seen one Star Wars movie and it was the one where everyone dies at the end. So, no long-standing connection with Yoda aside, I do know that Yoda was a guide and a mentor to young Luke Skywalker.
That’s all an estate planning lawyer is - a guide to help you along in the estate planning process, leading you away from the dark side of avoidance, procrastination, and an ill-fitting estate plan.
Here’s the good news: whenever you’re ready to get moving, you can hire an estate planning lawyer.
Even if you’re not in Louisiana, I highly recommend looking into attorneys licensed in your state as the first stage of your estate planning journey.
If you are in Louisiana, then I’m here to go through this process with you. See my blog post here about how to choose an estate planning lawyer.
When starting the estate planning process, it can feel like stepping into the ring of a sparring match.
You’re suited up with your inventoried finances and a good lawyer, but you still lack experience.
You have questions about wills and trusts, you are in over your head when thinking about tax burdens, and who even knows where all that paperwork is?
You try to land punches, but they might get blocked.
So much of what happens during the estate planning process is going round for round in a battle between processing new information and making big decisions.
Since I know (way way) more about Louisiana estate planning than taekwondo, I can do way way more than just sit on the sidelines yelling “Stay focused!” or “Good hit!” or “Go Luke!”
In fact, I love working with clients, teaching them all I can possibly can about the vast landscape of estate planning.
Most of what I do is teach clients how to think about their lives in the complexity of Louisiana legislation and regulations.
You know your life, I know Louisiana estate planning laws, and together we figure it out.
Don’t put off til tomorrow, what should be done today.
It’s not about getting you to memorize every law and regulation on the books.
Really, you could know every single thing about estate planning and still need to consider your personal situation before moving forward with the ‘right’ decision.
Simply put, there are too many unknown factors, like what’s going to happen in the future, to be able to make snap judgments and decisions on what your estate plan should look like.
Professionally, I’ve worked for years, gaining knowledge and experience, working with clients, aiding them through challenging processes, and teaching them what they need to know to make the best decisions for themselves, their loved ones, and their businesses.
Working with my clients who start off not really getting it and end with a full-scale estate plan is incredibly satisfying.
If everyone waited to spar until they became a black belt, no one would even get started.
Simply putting on the pads, stepping into the ring, and just going for it is the only way to get through it.
2. Don’t let perfection stand in the way.
You’re not psychic; you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Neither do I.
An estate plan is merely an intention or desire about what one is going to do in the future.
Since we can't predict the future, there is no such thing as the perfect estate plan. (P.s. If someone is selling you the perfect estate plan, they are completely full of shit.)
I know a lot about estate planning options and strategies in Louisiana, but I still cannot predict the future.
There is great potential for the estate plan to work perfectly based on the design and strategy that we put together, but it is not a full-proof certainty.
So why plan at all?
Because making these decisions to the best of your ability helps us construct a more meaningful life.
Having an estate plan in place is the epitome of doing everything you can to take care of yourself and your loved ones in the midst of uncertainty (aka life).
While we can’t predict the future, we can certainly influence the present.
A plan helps us see what we need to do now if we are to achieve that plan in the future. I often see clients find a sense of purpose when finalizing their estate plan, having discovered a new perspective on their long terms goals.
It’s time to get started.
I will guide you on how to protect yourself and your loved ones.
3. When you get stuck, use your values.
If you’re thinking, “How am I supposed to make these decisions, especially when I don’t know what the future holds? It makes me feel so helpless!”
Here is my answer: You move forward with confidence by making decisions based on your values.
I’ll be honest, values-based decisions used to seem kind of woo-woo to me. It’s not exactly something you can ask Google for, and get a concrete list of your personal values. (Trust me, I’ve tried!)
Rather, I had to ask myself some questions to figure out what was important to me:
What gets me out of bed in the morning?
What inspires me each day?
What do I get excited about?
What do I want to live for?
And much like estate planning, this isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a static process. You think about the answers to these questions all the time. And, from one day to the next, your answers may change. Your values can change based on what part of your life you are in.
But, the more you think about them, the easier it will be to understand what’s important to you. This is the underlying motivation of estate planning.
One of my top values is to be present with my children.
My kids are 4 & 6 and they are growing up fast.
As a business owner, running my own solo law firm, I don’t want them to feel like they’re competing for my attention.
This helps me plan my days, informs my business strategy, and makes it much easier to outsource and delegate.
Understanding this core value makes it much easier to prioritize my day-to-day and juggle all of our schedules, including taekwondo matches.
Now, being present with my children will always be something fundamentally important to me.
However, this value will most likely evolve over the next 20 - 30 years.
Eventually, they will grow up. They will move into their own lives. My focus will shift.
These natural changes will inform the professional and personal decisions I make over the course of time. It is never a static thing.
So, why care about discovering your values?
Estate planning is not black and white. Using your values can guide you to what the right answer is for you and your family. When you are stuck trying to make a hard decision in your estate plan (or life), you can look to your values to provide guidance on the best decision to make right now.
That’s all you can do: make the best decision you can now with all the facts known to you.
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I have an assignment for you.
Take out a piece of paper right now and write down 3 things that are important to you. The kind of importance that you feel in your bones.
Take a few minutes to consider what you write.
Once you’ve made your list, there’s a good chance that it contains your core values at this point in your life.
Congratulations! You’re that much closer to getting your black belt in decision-making.
And, remember: it is ok for these values to shift and evolve based on where you are in your life.
This is actually a good thing!
Estate Planning is way more than a will.
It’s time to get prepared.
4. Set a deadline and stick to it.
If you’re working with an estate planning lawyer, accountability will be built in for you.
But, what if you are doing estate planning by yourself? I strongly suggest that you reverse-engineer your process.
First, set a date for when you are going to sign your estate planning documents.
Then, work backward to figure out what you need to do to meet that deadline. Put the date on your calendar and ask a friend or loved one to check in with you every week or to make sure you are on track.
Then, even if you don’t think it’s perfect, you sign the documents when the set date arrives. You can always go back and change things. I suspect you’ll feel a whole lot better from getting something in place than you did before.
If you find yourself setting and missing your own deadlines more than a few times, it might be time to consider hiring an estate planning lawyer.
Also, if you’re feeling very unsure about a piece of your estate plan, you can always reach out to a licensed lawyer in your state for legal insight.
In fact, I offer one-hour strategy sessions for new and returning clients for this very reason.
I often find that clients need help with a specific section of their plan, or just need to bounce ideas off of something other than Google. (I’m no Google, but I can take your personal situation into account before telling you what I think could work for you.) Find out more about my strategy sessions here.
I help you plan today, so you’ll have peace of mind tomorrow.
Conclusion
Estate planning is not a very common conversation. It doesn’t trend on social media, and you won’t overhear people on the street discussing trusts and inventoried finances (unless you walk by me).
So, even if we get that it’s important, many of us just haven’t thought about it before.
And, when we do start thinking about it, we have to go deep on uncomfortable topics like our own mortality.
This lack of general knowledge plus the incredibly un-fun nature of thinking about our ultimate futures leads to some pretty tough decisions and steep learning curves.
Often resulting in estate planning paralysis.
You can avoid estate planning paralysis by sticking to these four concepts:
Find your Yoda: get an estate planning lawyer involved early, to help guide you away from the dark side, and make the best decisions possible. (aka “your path you must decide.”)
Don’t let perfection get in your way: You’re not psychic; you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Create an estate plan based on your values, and you’ll be well on your way.
When you get stuck, use your values: Move forward with confidence by making decisions based on your values.
Set a deadline and stick to it: Set yourself up for success by putting a date in your calendar, getting an accountability buddy, and sticking to your goals. If you find yourself consistently missing your deadlines, then it may be time to work with an estate planning lawyer. (And, you’re in luck, I’m right here.)
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Remember, when it comes to estate planning, we are making a well-informed, present-moment plan of action. We are creating a statement of intent that outlines what you would like to happen in the future. Of course, the future doesn’t have to comply, but we can give it our best shot by applying our core values to the decision-making process.
You do not have to go through this alone. If you live in Louisiana and are ready to start your estate plan, get in touch with me today.
You’ve got this.
Take Care,
Addie
FAQ
Q: Where can I find out more about working with an estate planning lawyer?
A: If you’re seriously considering working with an estate planning lawyer, check out my blog post that takes you through working with an estate planning lawyer, from start to finish.
Q: What do I need to consider when determining if I need an estate planning lawyer
A: Keep the following in mind when figuring out if you need a lawyer:
Have you set deadlines for yourself, but missed them repeatedly?
Do own multiple businesses or are considering selling/buying a business?
Are you unsure about what estate planning even is?
Have you recently experienced a major life event like getting married, having kids, buying a house, or receiving a diagnosis?
Have you experienced the death of a loved one who did not have an estate plan in place?
Do you have very clear and specific goals, but are unsure of how to implement them?
Q: Which documents will I likely need to create a well-prepared estate plan?
A: It can vary from client to client, but generally, folks looking to make an estate plan can count on needing some, if not all, of the following documents:
Last will and testament
Living trust
Beneficiary designations
Advance healthcare directive/healthcare power of attorney
Financial power of attorney
Insurance policies (health, life, car, home, etc.)
Proof of identity (social security card, prenup agreement, birth/marriage/divorce certificates, etc)
Titles and property deeds (car, home, boat, rental property)
Digital logins and passwords (yes, all of them)
Funerary instructions
With estate planning, you know when the time is right for you.
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